I didn't do it.

by Valerie Barker


That is Mom's arm.  I'm sure you all think I did that to her, however, it was not me!  That's right, it was Steve!


Here's how it played out (according to Mom):
Setting: Mom's laying on the bed watching TV.  Steve is laying at the foot of the bed.  Steve is chewing on his dew claw.
Mom: Steve, do you want to go for a walk?
Steve: Woo, woo, woo!
Steve jumps up and goes to woo in Mom's face.  Steve steps on Mom's arm, scratching her arm.
Mom: Ouch!  Steve, be careful.  You cut my arm.
Steve looks at Mom.
Mom: Oh, Stevie, it's okay, I know it was an accident!

Now, this is how I think it went.
Setting: Mom is laying on the bed watching TV.  Steve is laying at the food of the bed.  Steve is chewing on his dew claw, sharpening it to a sharp point as he thinks about his anger that Mom didn't let him eat all 24 cupcakes.  (Side note, Steve stole 8 cupcakes off the counter a couple days ago.)
Mom: Steve do you want to go for a walk?
Steve: Woo, woo, woo! (Translation: Yes but first you will pay for not give me all the cupcakes.)
Steve jumps up and slashes Mom's arm with his newly sharpened dew claw.  The slash goes to the bone, spewing blood everywhere.
Mom: Ouch!  Steve, be careful!  You cut my arm.
Steve looks at Mom.
Mom: Steve, if I didn't love you tons more than I love Wilbur, I would be really mad at you right now, but because I live in a dream world where you are such a cute furry beast and I can't see you for what you really are, I will say it was an accident and rub your tummy now.

Do you see what an unfair world I live in?  If I had caused that scratch, Mom would have said "No Wilbur!" and shut me out of the bedroom.  But because that stupid boy furry beast did it, she's all lovey dovey to him.  It makes me so angry.  I should claw her other arm for good measure.

Meow,
Wilbur